Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Honesty is the best policy.

I've been away from here a while. I'm trying to keep writing here regularly, to use this partly to have somewhere to talk about my craft stuff (nobody else will listen!) but partly for the cathartic benefits.Unfortunately, I've been having a bit of a bad time, recently. Nothing serious, no injury, or major trauma, just not often up to much more than work, sleep, and switching off in front of the TV.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 15. Since then, I've seen a variety of counsellors, psychiatrists, had some bad times, had some ok ones. I've been on antidepressants for about 12 years (about the time I started smoking, actually. Any port in a storm, I suppose) and am now settled into a prozac enhanced world. I've had some rough bits early on, but got through them, and been able to move on, going to college, getting a job, and most recently, living on my own.

But all this means that I'm not always on top form. And it also means, I spend a lot of time, thinking about when is a good time to mention it. This is a common problem. Finding people to trust as friends is hard. Many haven't stuck around when they find out. I suppose they think I'll turn psycopath, when in reality, it all just means I can be a miserable bint at times. It also means I can struggle to keep a fella. It's hard enough in London when you don't drink that much, and don't listen to dance music, let alone putting an issue like "when do I mention the pills?" part into the mix!

That's why I ended up on the dating website (btw- latest update, is a not bad date last friday, second one this week, to go to the pictures. )

I apologise- I'm now rambling. But I wanted to be honest, and give a reason why I may be irregular with posts, some may be up, some down, some a little peculiar!

Anyway. Back to the craft stuff. My denim quilt has been delayed in completion, due to the suprising unavailabiltiy of fleece, in August. I'm going for fleece rather than wadding for the middle, as I want it warm, but as thin and light as possible. The denim is heavy enough, without the added weight of conventional middle bits (what is the proper technical term? I always just use top, middle and bottom. Am I just ignorant?) But I have found some. In the form of dog blankets. They're brand new, so all clean, and sewn together will be just the right size. Just feels a bit strange to be using them, than proper fabric-shop fabric.

I have also aquired some new yarn from ebay. It's Sidar denim stuff, and I'm going to make a patchwork blanket out of it. I found the pattern on Ravelry- its Berrocco's Mu Shu. It's got a lovely marl to the yarn which I think will look nice. I like the idea of reducing in the middle, bringing the two sides in to meet. But then I have a thing about triangles.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far. I know this is a bit of a strange entry. But it feels a lot better, to be open about it all. Now just got to try and get on an upward keel. If you can (grammatically) have that? You get the gist, I'm sure!


flurogoddess said...

I always use those Ikea fleece blankets for fleece! They're £2.69 or something ridiculous for much more than a meter of fleece in cream, black, pale blue, red, green and probably other colours that I don't have!

Depression sucks, but I am surprised at the reactions you've had. I would've thought it was more the norm now and people would be more accepting. We can all be miserable sometimes ;-) Just an aside (and tell me to go away if you want) but have you tried exercise to help the depression? I found that really helped me.

k. said...

Don't worry- I take no offence! Any advice about depression (or anything on here. My knitting sometimes needs a lot.) is welcome. Unfortunately, tried it, didn't really help. I just pootle along taking my meds on time now, and I'm ok.
Hadn't thought of the Ikea fleece before, but that's a fantastic idea- there's one just up from me in Edmonton too....


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