Friday, 12 March 2010

he didn't show.

Thursday, 11 March 2010


So, I'm meant to be meeting blokey tomorrow. His train gets in about 6, and I'm meeting him at the station. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm really nervous and scared too!

What if he changes his mind, and doesn't show up? What if we meet and don't 'click'? What if we meet and we do?!

I've told him a lot about who I am, about what I'm like. But I'm different in person. Everyone is. But I really want this to work out. It'd be lovely.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

not so good today...

...but I thought it'd been a few days since I posted anything, so I'd best put something down.

Not too bad a week. Little bit up and down. My sheep tea cosy is going well. I did accidentally buy the two tea cosy books from Waterstones on Thursday. I didn't intend on getting both of them, but then I was looking, and I thought they were more expensive than they are, so it just sort of happened.

Yesterday was a little busier - I had a full day planned: go to Covent Garden to try on shoes for my sister (bridesmaid ones.) then find Pure Juniper to get a tea pot stand. After that, down to Sloane Square to get to Partridges to buy Blueberry Sauce (again, wedding stuff. This is for the cake) A quick stop at the V and A - still a member, so got to use it, and they've just opened a new exhibition on Horace Walpole and Strawberry. Well worth a visit. Back up to Oxford Street, to head to Marks and Spencers for a bit of cake and some tea, and off to John Lewis' to get a leaf thing I saw in my mum's Ideal Home magazine, and a shirt and dress from Dorothy Perkins.

All this went to plan. very full, but got it all done. Only after a stop at Boots in Liverpool Street station though. This wasn't a planned stop, but I was sat on the tube, with a healthy breakfast of tea and hot cross bun (it was early, and cold!) and felt something hard in my mouth. My tooth (well, not mine, but one my mum paid to have put in instead of the one that was there. She loves me, so she bought me crowns) was out. Not only the tooth, but the little metal stick it's held in with! So I wandered about a bit looking dazed, until a kindly security guard pointed me in the direction of the dental stuff.

Its glued back in now - no pain or anything, as its not a real tooth. But it did throw me for the rest of the day!

A bit less busy today. Think the shopping yesterday took it out of me. If I have too much in my head one day, I do tend to drop after a while. It happened before Christmas, when I went shopping with my mum, but luckily she knows it happens, and watches me, if I get too manic. It is sort of strange - it's not manic depression i have, just the ordinary kind, but I still get these swings, that I have to try and be aware of to control. Trying to stop myself falling at the moment, as I've not heard from blokey since Friday. Ordinarily, I know this is not unusual, or in anyway bad, but if I'm not on form, I tend to see a thousand negatives where there shouldn't be. All of a sudden I get the doubt come into my head, and I've got him married to someone else, or he's decided he really doesn't want anything to do with me - they're just the ones I'm willing to admit to. It's a whole world of crazy when my mind starts a-wandering!

Anyway. Like I said, I have to try and keep perspective on the world, and keep calm. so I'm off to watch In the Loop on BBC2, and have some tea and cake. It does tend to help matters.

Monday, 1 March 2010


Hello. Been away for a while, but I think I'm feeling a bit better now. We'll see how it goes.

I'm not going to go through my past 7 months or so, as that would be dull, and I can't be bothered. But to recap there was Christmas, my sister got engaged, is making me wear green satin, I'm making her wedding cake, and I have a fringe.

I also got another year older, booked a week in Brussels - again, on my own, hence only as far as Belgium again. My job is still crappy, and I'm still single. But a fella in Scotland is a possibility to change that one...

I've been officially diagnosed as having pcos, had my ordinary meds upped, and new ones added, so now I rattle in the mornings.

Think thats it for now. Oh, and I'm making my mum a sheep teacosy. In loop stitch.

I'm going to try and get back into this whole thing. May take me a while to get the hang of it again, but I think it may help a bit, so I'll give it a go...

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